Forgiveness Pt. 1

When I was younger I did things without thinking them through first...as I still sometimes do today. I learned in order to avoid the whole "I'm sorry for..blah" I had to think things through and look at the bigger picture. Such as how the other person would feel or react to my words or my actions. You will be surprised what I came up with..

I have been deeply hurt by people close to me and those not so close to me. It's that one comment from someone that makes your heart just clench like its been put through a juicer. And for those moments, you experience rage, anger and all the above. You want to kill the person that brought such negative emotions into your cool demeanor.. but you also want to cry while stabbing them in the neck. The reason for that is a) what they said was the cold hard truth. b) the person that said those words or did you wrong was someone you love. c) you never knew/thought a person could be so cruel. We tend to take things that people we don't know or love say with a grain of salt. While those who we do care about and respect, their words, cut like knives.

The thing is how do we get over hurtful things people say or do... it is of course forgiveness. Forgiveness is often sought after in order to heal, BUT forgiveness starts within ourselves. We have to say "I forgive you", mentally in order to get over the hurdle that has hurt us emotionally. Now I know it feels a lot better when someone comes begging for forgiveness with your favorite food or flowers in hand (like a boyfriend or girlfriend who did something wrong) but the reality is forgiveness is something that happens from within.

Who wants to hold a grudge right? Get over it. Live

Renard

The Past..Present...and the Unknown

Over the past year I have found peace and acceptance within myself. I have prayed for a complete makeover and boy was I in for a HUGE wake up call. Those around me have showed me their true colors. Love was lost then found...then lost again. There's really no such thing as a fairytale ending. You have to make a change for yourself.. and it starts with you. Those close to me.. my family have become my bitter enemies and friendships have grown stronger than ever. I thank the big guy upstairs for opening my eyes and allowing me to see that "hey, not everyone's gonna like Renard".. that's life.


As far as love is concerned I was blinded by a sweet personality and insecurities that I wasn't ready to face yet. I fell in love in October and out of it by March. The biggest issue was communication and understanding. I play by my rules and he played by his. But what can I say...I'm selfish. That's just me.



I have since faced certain things and have overcome obstacles that have stood in my way of complete happiness. Do I regret anything that has happened thus far.. hmmm maybe.. Am I completely satisfied with life right now.. Hell NO. But it gets better, I know it does. And what can I say about the future other than the fact that I can close my eyes before I go to sleep and pray for a better tomorrow.

Until tomorrow comes, take care for now.

Renard

The C.R.E.A.M

Dear diary... today a question arose in my head. Does money really rule everything around me? Money... sad to say creates a persons status in the world. Money controls your environment, the friends you make and the people you date. Recently I've noticed myself being a little more aware of my actions and what I say being perceived by others. And after careful observation I found that people like to be around me just because I have a pretty amazing personality (if I may say so myself). Though some may only see the outside I am thankful for those who see the bigger picture. Those who really see and understand Kendrick.

Yes money can buy you cute clothes, fly shoes and even a car. But money can not buy you honesty, true friends or a personality.



And of course I have come to another one of my conclusions that at the end of the night when we kick off the Manolo's and wipe the day from our face all we have is ourselves. I have me;; and my clothes. lls



Take care,

*Kendrick

The Beast.

I sit in the dark, it's a cold and lonely place. I wonder if you are lurking in the shadows while I remain blissfully unaware of your presence. A blank stare lies across my face. I gaze out of the window. Past the midnight blue sky, beyond the gray veil of clouds embedded with diamonds; a perfect night. I am awed by the moon and all of its stages from crescent to a new. My soul searches for you, my mind beckons you and my body desires your touch. Where art thou howl?

~ Kendrick

On a never ending Quest...

In life we all search for something. We may search for happiness, money, love and including ourselves. Being that I am happy with the way things are right now ( and I tend to be happy all the time) I believe nothing can make make us so unhappy or unsatisfied that we can't pull through to true happiness. Whenever I am in a situation that I know is no good for me or beneficial for growth I leave; I walk away. I believe we are in control of our own happiness. So ask yourself "What makes me happy?" And do whatever you have to do to bring that happiness through to you everyday.

Now some may believe money is happiness and some may think that money is the root of all evil. But I will tell you what money can and cannot buy. Money can buy you cute shoes, a nice new haircut, a car, a house and even temporary friends. But with all of the things you can buy with money does that credit card also buy you happiness? Money cannot buy you true happiness, money cannot buy you love, money cannot buy you back lost time. True happiness has to come from within. So with each swipe of your Visa ask yourself "Am I buying something that truly makes me happy?" Let me know if you can answer this.



Now the biggie. That's right; love. Many of us are in search of "the one". The "one" that will come along and scoop us out of the single line and into a life of bliss. You may ask "Is there someone really out there for me?" And the answer to that is of course there is. They are just hidden under a rock keeping a close watch on you waiting for the right time to approach. Now just like money, I do not recommend depending on someone or something else to make you happy. It's okay to be in a relationship with yourself. I love myself and that is enough. Even though at the end of the day it is comforting to know that someone out there really loves you for who you are (i.e. Family/friends). Now TELL yourself this "There is always one person that will love me." And that person is you.


Last but certainly not least is being on a never ending quest to find ourselves. I find something new about myself everyday. From things I like to things I dislike. And based off of the oh so many things I have experienced in life I continue to grow and blossom into the person I am today. I am never satisfied with just knowing enough to get by. There are so many mysteries of the world unsolved and so much knowledge that is available FOR FREE (i.e. Libraries, elders, museums). If you close yourself off to the new ways of life you may miss out in all the fun which could bring you that happiness, the money and even that one true love. Ask yourself this "If I met me...would I know me?"


At the end of the day You control your own fate. You control your own happiness. You are in control of your own life. I am in control of my own destiny, my own happiness, my own money, and the people that I choose to love.

~ Kendrick