Update.

     Well it's a new year and lately I have been feeling a little distant from the rest of the world. It feels as if I have to take a step back reexamine friends, relationships, my work, my happiness and overall progress as a whole. It's funny how people say new year, new attitude because now it seems I have to reintroduce myself to those who I have known for years. Even the ones I have known for shorter amounts of time have turned the tides on me. Was I blind all of last year? Do I just ignore the big change? And then it hits me. Why am I so concerned and caring about those who don't give two shits about me? Let's just call it my "Aha moment".

     As far as friends are concerned I have always felt light years ahead of my peers; more so when it comes down to my maturity level. I love my friends and I'm thankful for those I know will always be there. You can not call everyone your friend. It's always better to have one good friend than to have a lot of sharks in your tank. As for my personal relationships...well they have become headaches and although you can not control who you love you can control who you sleep with. I'm just saying.
 
     I'm ready to quit my job and start something new. Hey, it's a new year right? I'm willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for my happiness. It's time to take control of what I want and more so, what I deserve. This is not just a new year... it's my life. It's in God's hands. The horse blinders are off, so are the gloves and everything else. I'm ready to take Renard to a new level of existence.  

That's just where I am today,

- Renard

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

It's my 22nd Birthday!

I'm so excited to see another year of progress and growth!

I would like to thank everyone who has been on my journey so far in life.

And we're on to the next level...

Let's Celebrate!

- Renard

Drinks anyone???

     It's Fall and love is in the air and drinks are everywhere. And me... well I'm just having a good time. During one of my outings something caught my attention while sitting at the bar with friends. I was looking at my glass and wondering if it was half full or half empty. People always have their theory on whether their glass is half full or half empty. Well... I never got the point of that shit. I would like to think my glass has always been have full. It's always better to have a little something than to claim little or next to nothing. That's just my philosophy on it.

     Recently my glass has run over with many different opportunities and decisions which to me is a good thing. I like to stay busy and keep things fresh. You don't go to a bar and order the same drink every time do you? Needless to say, I definitely have my work cut out for me in the near future. I hope everyone is enjoying life and keeping their glasses full. Life is a celebration, and everyday I awake to see a new day; I'm gonna party.

- Renard

Who Am I ????

     This blog should be called WHO I AM because as of late everyone seems to have these preconceived notions about who I happen to be. I use to say "I am whatever you think I am" because I simply didn't care about what others thought; now I'm putting it all out there. There are people who believe that I'm just another gay guy who is supposed to be flamboyant and worships Beyonce. I couldn't be further from that stereotype. I actually worship Rihanna. LOL, just kidding. I'm more than my sexual orientation. I'm a man that just happens to be attracted to other men and gorgeous women.

      There are people who say that I scream SEX. Maybe it is because of my Scorpio horoscope. I don't know; I don't try to be sexy. I asked some of my close friends and they just said I give off a vibe and one said that it was all in my eyes. #KanyeShrug. Being sexy is not a bad thing I guess. You guys haven't seen me 1st thing in the morning. Some people think I'm self absorbed when I just really have a healthy amount of confidence and self-esteem but who wants to be a Debbie Downer?

     I hate when people say that I'm trying to be something. As if everyday is Halloween and I'm just playing dress up. I don't like the term "trying"... I'm not trying to be anything. There's no adjective that can describe me. A lot a things that people assume about me are just that...assumptions. I don't dare to be different. I just am.

I love who I am. I own who I am. My body and my soul are the only things that truly belong to me in this life. No one and or no thing could take myself away from me. Who I am today will be who I am tomorrow... just another day wiser. ;-)

- Renard

Express Yourself!

Everyday the world awakes and goes about their normal routine of the morning stretch followed by some sort of morning ritual. For some it's a shower that gets them going and for others it's a tall caffeinated drink but for me it's what I'm going to wear; who am I going to be today?

Everyday celebrities and a select few of us normal folk arise and get fabulous for the world to see. I Vito my entire wardrobe the night before so that when I awake I will have some clue as to what I will wear and how I will present myself. So I wake up wipe the dust from my eyes and put some music on, do my morning ritual, check the news to see the weather forecast and then its on. I stumble through pairs of shoes scattered across the floor and rumble through my closet as I glance over to my clock to make sure I'm not running late because it's one thing to be fashionably late and just plain late.

After looking at and trying on different garments I finally throw something together that just feels right. Because you have to wear the clothes.. not let the clothes wear you. The whole point is that I express myself in many different ways. Whether I write, state my P.O.V, or just get dressed; I live with purpose.

After all, I don't get dressed up NOT to be seen. lol

The Past..Present...and the Unknown

Over the past year I have found peace and acceptance within myself. I have prayed for a complete makeover and boy was I in for a HUGE wake up call. Those around me have showed me their true colors. Love was lost then found...then lost again. There's really no such thing as a fairytale ending. You have to make a change for yourself.. and it starts with you. Those close to me.. my family have become my bitter enemies and friendships have grown stronger than ever. I thank the big guy upstairs for opening my eyes and allowing me to see that "hey, not everyone's gonna like Renard".. that's life.


As far as love is concerned I was blinded by a sweet personality and insecurities that I wasn't ready to face yet. I fell in love in October and out of it by March. The biggest issue was communication and understanding. I play by my rules and he played by his. But what can I say...I'm selfish. That's just me.



I have since faced certain things and have overcome obstacles that have stood in my way of complete happiness. Do I regret anything that has happened thus far.. hmmm maybe.. Am I completely satisfied with life right now.. Hell NO. But it gets better, I know it does. And what can I say about the future other than the fact that I can close my eyes before I go to sleep and pray for a better tomorrow.

Until tomorrow comes, take care for now.

Renard

Me, Myself and....

Well I can't believe it's the end of June already. Actually I can. During the month of May to where I am today I have been taking a lot of time for myself. Some may question my exisitence in the world of technologhy. The truth is I never left. I have been sitting back and watching the days get longer and sweat while the weather got hotter. There have been changes in this guy I call "Kendrick"... change for the better. Not like a false promise made by delegates hoping to gain some type of following, but real change. It feels good to sit back and be alone but not lonely. Just me, myself and my thoughts.

Through the time of self reconstruction I smirked as my phone rung and no one answered. To tell the truth I rather throw my phone into a fire to be cremated than to listen to issues pertaining to the bullshit that comes with people having access to my number. The month of June had it's highs which outweighed the lows but all in all this month has been about reassurance. I have said what was on my mind and for once I don't regret anything. It' feels good. I feel like everything is coming full circle... like I'm coming into myself. Evolving. Living not Exisiting. Being what I long to become.

-Iconic.

My April.

Dear April...

What thee fuck was I thinking? I was indeed an "April Fool" last month. A fool in love to be exact. I was emotionally unstable and unable to really put in words exactly how I felt about this predicament; I was indescribable. I fell in love in the beginning and out of love in the end. I won some and lost one. So I guess you can say that the victor was I.

Here is what I lost:
LOVE.



Here is what I gained:




Haaaha ha ha. I win and you lose! In my best Nicki Minaj voice.


So I have a new love in my life and he comes complete with a sunroof, blue leather interior and a lot of trunk space to support my shopping habits.



Shopping for labels;; Shopping for love

*Kendrick

The Beast.

I sit in the dark, it's a cold and lonely place. I wonder if you are lurking in the shadows while I remain blissfully unaware of your presence. A blank stare lies across my face. I gaze out of the window. Past the midnight blue sky, beyond the gray veil of clouds embedded with diamonds; a perfect night. I am awed by the moon and all of its stages from crescent to a new. My soul searches for you, my mind beckons you and my body desires your touch. Where art thou howl?

~ Kendrick

Love Quote.

Here is a little piece of me.

"There is a place in time and a time within a place where everything is perfect. Does it exist? You bet... Every time I look into your eyes."

~ Kendrick