Take care

You can't build a bridge and get over everything.

Sometimes it takes years to build a bridge.

And sometimes it takes even longer to cross it.

We've all been hurt. 

Fall... in Love?

     Well here we are, October has come thru with a vengeance! We have had a chilly weekend here in the DMV complete with hoodies, jackets, coats, knitwear and lots of layering. Needless to say I was out in the mess enjoying every bit of it. I honestly couldn't wait for the Fall weather so I could dress warm and get cozy on those chilly nights. Football anyone?

     Fall is that time of year for comfort food, chunky sweaters, and boo loving. That's correct, "boo loving".

I know many of folk who are looking for a "boo" to keep them warm during these cooler months...and I don't blame them. It's nice to have someone to cuddle up with after a long day of being out in the elements. As Bill Withers would say "we all need somebody to lean on". Well, just don't lean on ME lol. In all seriousness it's is so easy to fall in love during the Fall.

     Fall is when mother nature shows off her beauty. Trees shed their once green leafs in exchange for shades of orange and hues of brown leaves that dance gracefully in the wind. People literally seem to come out of the woodwork after the summer is long gone and the muscle shirts and short shorts are put away. There are many potential boyfriends, girlfriends and lovers who are single and looking for something to hold onto. Some are happy being single and a good book and a hot drink will get them through those cold nights. But if you're like me and have been single for a while then this is the opportunity to get to know someone "special".

     Some of us are looking for temporary companionship and some are looking for the long term. But whatever you are looking for, just make sure it's worth the fall.

P.S. It's breast cancer awareness month. Oh, and GO RAVENS!!!

- Renard

Under Construction...

     As you all probably know, I'm single. That's definitely something to be happy about and enjoy; especially when you're young. I have come across many different people and personalities in life so far and I'm discovering more and more about myself and the ways of others. I love all people. Even the annoying, self righteous and the repugnant ones. They all can get a hug and a smile because that's just the kind of person I am.

     The funny thing is I'm writing this entry because on my way to work everyday I ride past the workplace of my ex. And every time I ride past there is always construction taking place. Building something better and working on what needs to be fixed: under construction.

     I have taken the time out from the social scene for a while just to do some self reflection. I call it being on a "people diet". It makes sense and I recommend everyone to try it. I'm the most personable, social butterfly I know and I still need that time off to give back to myself. So if I don't reply to txt messages promptly, get on social media websites often or even answer the phone. I will get back to you soon. Just like the recording says "leave a message after the beep, ttyl".

- Renard

Forgiveness Pt. 1

When I was younger I did things without thinking them through first...as I still sometimes do today. I learned in order to avoid the whole "I'm sorry for..blah" I had to think things through and look at the bigger picture. Such as how the other person would feel or react to my words or my actions. You will be surprised what I came up with..

I have been deeply hurt by people close to me and those not so close to me. It's that one comment from someone that makes your heart just clench like its been put through a juicer. And for those moments, you experience rage, anger and all the above. You want to kill the person that brought such negative emotions into your cool demeanor.. but you also want to cry while stabbing them in the neck. The reason for that is a) what they said was the cold hard truth. b) the person that said those words or did you wrong was someone you love. c) you never knew/thought a person could be so cruel. We tend to take things that people we don't know or love say with a grain of salt. While those who we do care about and respect, their words, cut like knives.

The thing is how do we get over hurtful things people say or do... it is of course forgiveness. Forgiveness is often sought after in order to heal, BUT forgiveness starts within ourselves. We have to say "I forgive you", mentally in order to get over the hurdle that has hurt us emotionally. Now I know it feels a lot better when someone comes begging for forgiveness with your favorite food or flowers in hand (like a boyfriend or girlfriend who did something wrong) but the reality is forgiveness is something that happens from within.

Who wants to hold a grudge right? Get over it. Live

Renard

The Past..Present...and the Unknown

Over the past year I have found peace and acceptance within myself. I have prayed for a complete makeover and boy was I in for a HUGE wake up call. Those around me have showed me their true colors. Love was lost then found...then lost again. There's really no such thing as a fairytale ending. You have to make a change for yourself.. and it starts with you. Those close to me.. my family have become my bitter enemies and friendships have grown stronger than ever. I thank the big guy upstairs for opening my eyes and allowing me to see that "hey, not everyone's gonna like Renard".. that's life.


As far as love is concerned I was blinded by a sweet personality and insecurities that I wasn't ready to face yet. I fell in love in October and out of it by March. The biggest issue was communication and understanding. I play by my rules and he played by his. But what can I say...I'm selfish. That's just me.



I have since faced certain things and have overcome obstacles that have stood in my way of complete happiness. Do I regret anything that has happened thus far.. hmmm maybe.. Am I completely satisfied with life right now.. Hell NO. But it gets better, I know it does. And what can I say about the future other than the fact that I can close my eyes before I go to sleep and pray for a better tomorrow.

Until tomorrow comes, take care for now.

Renard

The C.R.E.A.M

Dear diary... today a question arose in my head. Does money really rule everything around me? Money... sad to say creates a persons status in the world. Money controls your environment, the friends you make and the people you date. Recently I've noticed myself being a little more aware of my actions and what I say being perceived by others. And after careful observation I found that people like to be around me just because I have a pretty amazing personality (if I may say so myself). Though some may only see the outside I am thankful for those who see the bigger picture. Those who really see and understand Kendrick.

Yes money can buy you cute clothes, fly shoes and even a car. But money can not buy you honesty, true friends or a personality.



And of course I have come to another one of my conclusions that at the end of the night when we kick off the Manolo's and wipe the day from our face all we have is ourselves. I have me;; and my clothes. lls



Take care,

*Kendrick

On a never ending Quest...

In life we all search for something. We may search for happiness, money, love and including ourselves. Being that I am happy with the way things are right now ( and I tend to be happy all the time) I believe nothing can make make us so unhappy or unsatisfied that we can't pull through to true happiness. Whenever I am in a situation that I know is no good for me or beneficial for growth I leave; I walk away. I believe we are in control of our own happiness. So ask yourself "What makes me happy?" And do whatever you have to do to bring that happiness through to you everyday.

Now some may believe money is happiness and some may think that money is the root of all evil. But I will tell you what money can and cannot buy. Money can buy you cute shoes, a nice new haircut, a car, a house and even temporary friends. But with all of the things you can buy with money does that credit card also buy you happiness? Money cannot buy you true happiness, money cannot buy you love, money cannot buy you back lost time. True happiness has to come from within. So with each swipe of your Visa ask yourself "Am I buying something that truly makes me happy?" Let me know if you can answer this.



Now the biggie. That's right; love. Many of us are in search of "the one". The "one" that will come along and scoop us out of the single line and into a life of bliss. You may ask "Is there someone really out there for me?" And the answer to that is of course there is. They are just hidden under a rock keeping a close watch on you waiting for the right time to approach. Now just like money, I do not recommend depending on someone or something else to make you happy. It's okay to be in a relationship with yourself. I love myself and that is enough. Even though at the end of the day it is comforting to know that someone out there really loves you for who you are (i.e. Family/friends). Now TELL yourself this "There is always one person that will love me." And that person is you.


Last but certainly not least is being on a never ending quest to find ourselves. I find something new about myself everyday. From things I like to things I dislike. And based off of the oh so many things I have experienced in life I continue to grow and blossom into the person I am today. I am never satisfied with just knowing enough to get by. There are so many mysteries of the world unsolved and so much knowledge that is available FOR FREE (i.e. Libraries, elders, museums). If you close yourself off to the new ways of life you may miss out in all the fun which could bring you that happiness, the money and even that one true love. Ask yourself this "If I met me...would I know me?"


At the end of the day You control your own fate. You control your own happiness. You are in control of your own life. I am in control of my own destiny, my own happiness, my own money, and the people that I choose to love.

~ Kendrick

Faux Friends

So this year is all about moving forward correct? Well there have been snakes dwelling in my yard for too long and its time for me to bring out the lawn mower. That's right get rid of these pests which seem to pop up in text messages, random phone calls, and emails. One snake whose rent was due has gotten the eviction notice. This snake claimed to be my "bestie" while also being a "bitch". Here's how it all went down.

Snake: Are we even still friends? (after at least a month of not talking)

Me: Yea (I'm not going to deny someone who still wants to give it a try)
*A couple seconds later*

Me: You know I could really care less about the status of our friendship. I have my priorities and you have yours.

Snake: Thanks for being honest.
Snake: I usually don't keep friends this long anyway.

FIN.

Later on that night I was on Twitter <---- follow on the side. And I spotted the snakes account and to my not so surprise the BIO section read: "LOVES SEX". Now me being the private person that I am... I do not like when people put themselves out there. So can you say #BLOCKED.

I get a txt later from the snake...it was some bullshit. I barely glanced and just deleted the message. My Reply was "its been over #okbye."

END OF STORY FOLKS.

Sometimes you just have to let things go and move on. When you get bit by a snake they tell you to suck the poison out right? That's what I'm doing... sucking the poison out of my life.

Okay #NEXT


~ Kendrick

Share the love...

Welcome. Love is in the air today and hate for some but I in particular feel festive being that I do have a beautiful life to love. I'm a lover and lovers love life...not to mention yes, I too have a Valentine this year. This year brings a whole new meaning to the spirit of Valentines day. This year brings change all over. It brings a change in the White House, it brings change in relationships and changes in the choices we make everyday. This year seems to all about love and how we share it; Equality if you will (i.e. The Armani Exchange Ad above). Yes, two guys, two girls, and the hetero couple in between. You gotta love it!

If your single its the perfect opportunity to start looking and examining your choices. Because like you, there are others out there in search for love. Or maybe your not looking and your happily single and not so ready to mingle...which is good. I'm all for independence (the shoes on my feet; I BROUGHT EM!) lol. I like to see the whole cliche couple stuff like Public Displays of Affection, Stuffed Teddy Bears and the infamous Heart shaped box of chocolates. Its cute (in small doses). In all of this don't forget to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!



Now, I have said I don't believe in fairytale life stories and I stand by that still. I mean Cinderella had to go through a lot just to get her prince charming including keeping a fresh pedicure so her feet can floss in those glass slippers. And Prince Charming had to slay dragons and demons just to even get to the princess and then still had to deal with her family in the end. Point blank: There will be times on our conquest for love where we may come across detours some good some bad. But we must fight. Because if love won't save the day then what will? So I hope all those soldiers of love out there cuddle up with your significant other and let them know how much they mean to you not just today but EVERYDAY!

After all, you had to fight to find the one didn't you?

Happy Valentines Day!

~ Kendrick

Are you irreplaceable?

Another evening of thinking to myself in solitude. Just me, the laptop and my thoughts. The idea of being here alone is making me think of the song "Me, Myself and I"...And no NOT Beyonce. I'm talking about the old school group De La Soul. This funky uptempo song is a happy, self excepting and just plain fun. So here I am looking back on past relationships as a free (single) individual with a desire to seek out how things went down. I look back and think "hmmm, I wonder what happened to that one?" and "what the hell was I thinking?" and then a pop!...there it is.

We live in a society where it seems the men and women are dispensable creatures whom roam around the city with horse blinders on. Unable to see the true beauty of love; not just in other humans but in other nouns too. We take for granted that everything that we love and care for can be gone in a instant. Those precious photographs washed away in a flood, your dog being hit by a car, being involved in a car accident that took your thought and memories with it. Those things are important, those are things that we care about the most.

Just think of your very first crush. You might not have even known anything but their name. Picture them being taken from you. Or a expecting mother who just found out the baby she has cared for and carried for nine months was still born. You still have that connection, those emotions, those feelings towards the nouns that mattered most in your life. So even if its the first love letter you received or a teddy bear that you had since you were a young sprout. CHERISH THEM. CHERISH LIFE. MAKE EVERYDAY SOMETHING TO STAND AND BE PROUD FOR. Because you never know what you've got until its gone.

I'm sorry Beyonce but some things are just not "Replaceable".

~ Kendrick

I'm The BLACK SHEEP...

Okay, so I was sitting in the kitchen just waiting to get a hearty bowl of homemade stew when I noticed that I was being ignored. It was one blow after the other. Like fireworks that just kept on coming. Boom, Boom, Boom; the signs kept coming and I put the pieces of the puzzle together to come to a sudden realization that I AM A BLACK SHEEP. It all started when I was younger I guess. I always was considered the baby and of course I now despise the whole thought of that "adolescent immaturity". But while I was in that kitchen I realized that my sister who I spent the majority of my life with under my mother's roof did not say ONE WORD to me when I came down to greet her. She was always socially retarded but damn I felt like Casper. I hugged my mother I guess because I felt some type of way about being ignored, but even my mother's warm embrace seemed cold and distant. It seems as though I am in the way of both of their's progress. Well damn, maybe its time for me to move the fuck out. If only I had a stable friend who wouldn't mind being a roommate. My family life is soooo FUCKED UP! I haven't talked to my father in over 2 months. Let alone my little sister who is now 9! Trust me, I have issues and I'm strong enough to admit it. So here I am, "The Black Sheep". The fun loving, free spirit, sexually active, complex, simple minded, sometimes naive, lazy and undefined socialist. And you know what? I DON'T have a problem with it. But in all reality; I need to get some business. Its 2010 and about time I stop thinking and start with the action. Fuck the people who try and stop me. Fuck emotions that seem to keep me in one place. Fuck my lovers. Love the Haters. And Just Plain FUCK YOU.

~Kendrick