Take care

You can't build a bridge and get over everything.

Sometimes it takes years to build a bridge.

And sometimes it takes even longer to cross it.

We've all been hurt. 

the morning after..

 

Valentines Day is over.

Morning After Pills are sold out everywhere.

People are questioning their relationships.

...just wanted to say

Happy Valentine's Day Bae...

Hello February...

Valentines Day, Black History Month, Shortest month on the calendar..

     I could ramble about how much I love/hate Valentines day and I could waste my time talking about how we only give 28 (29 due to leap year this year) days to recognize black excellence. I could..I should.. I can.. BUT I won't. I celebrate everyday I'm alive. I give love to those who deserve it and I show respect to my brethren when I feel it has been earned. This month is a month to be inspired by those who paved the way for the likes of you and I to be great.

     A few African Americans who inspire me are of course Barack & Michelle Obama, Kanye West, Kerry Washington, Arthur Ashe, Phyllis Hyman etc.. They all have their own unique stories; I'm still writing mine. I hope to inspire others to be fearless and go out and push their dreams forward. That's my goal.

     Most of my readers know how I feel about love. If you're new click here.. http://duhhebadd.blogspot.com/2012/01/love.html 

     I'll let my readers in on a little dirty secret.. despite how I feel about love.. I LOVE it! I love, love. I like this time of the month actually. I like the tacky teddy bears and the chocolate filled hearts covered strawberries. I love the feeling in the air when I step out into the city to see all the couples going out to rekindle their flame and to celebrate the love they have for each other. I LOVE that shit! Will I have a Valentine? We Will see.

So here we are in February... A fresh start for many. Kind of like a second new year for some. I welcome you with open arms. Lets see what you've got in store for us February. 

 

Until tomorrow comes, take care for now..

<3 - Renard

Love.

Love is a curse. 

An emotion that is unorthodox and unstoppable.

And in life... Love will forever break your heart.

                                                          - Renard

     In the previous post I stated that you can't control who you love... and that is true. All of us experience and express our love in different ways. I would like to believe that everyone has a happy ending and that love comes as easy as it sounds, but the reality of it is that it's far from that. Love is just one emotion of many. You have to deal with all these crazy emotions on a day to day basis. You can however, control how long you want to hold a grudge, you can control how angry you allow yourself to get and you can control your happiness. 

     In life, when you find the one you can see yourself being with for the long haul, there are expectations. You expect your significant other to communicate with you, tell you the truth, be there when you need them and most importantly, demonstrate their love for you everyday. Unfortunately it doesn't always go that route. Loving someone will make you cry, make you feel pain worse than when you first fell off your bike .. love will drive you insane and love will downright break your heart.

     Whether your looking for it or have already found it.. hold onto your love! Save it for the one you know will value everything about you. Not everyone is privileged, deserving or has the luxury to experience your love. And if you've found love.. keep it close. The heart is too delicate to be broken. There's no cure for a broken heart.

love is complicated.

Update.

     Well it's a new year and lately I have been feeling a little distant from the rest of the world. It feels as if I have to take a step back reexamine friends, relationships, my work, my happiness and overall progress as a whole. It's funny how people say new year, new attitude because now it seems I have to reintroduce myself to those who I have known for years. Even the ones I have known for shorter amounts of time have turned the tides on me. Was I blind all of last year? Do I just ignore the big change? And then it hits me. Why am I so concerned and caring about those who don't give two shits about me? Let's just call it my "Aha moment".

     As far as friends are concerned I have always felt light years ahead of my peers; more so when it comes down to my maturity level. I love my friends and I'm thankful for those I know will always be there. You can not call everyone your friend. It's always better to have one good friend than to have a lot of sharks in your tank. As for my personal relationships...well they have become headaches and although you can not control who you love you can control who you sleep with. I'm just saying.
 
     I'm ready to quit my job and start something new. Hey, it's a new year right? I'm willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for my happiness. It's time to take control of what I want and more so, what I deserve. This is not just a new year... it's my life. It's in God's hands. The horse blinders are off, so are the gloves and everything else. I'm ready to take Renard to a new level of existence.  

That's just where I am today,

- Renard

Hello 2012...

I hope everyone has had a very merry Christmas and I wish everyone a prosperous year.

     The year of 2011 has been a roller coaster ride for me and I'm glad it has finally came to an end. I've made it over the hill and survived all of the twists and turns and I'm grateful to still be here... To live to see another day. The holiday season is all about the celebration of life. When the clock strikes midnight marking the end of a year; everything comes full circle.

     Everything that has happened in 2011 simply becomes a thing of the past. Time to start anew... time to create new memories and celebrate being alive. Whether you watch the ball drop live in Times Square or watched it live in the comfort of your own home we all know that the dropping of the ball symbolizes hope for a better tomorrow and the rebirth of mankind.

     As we bid farewell to 2011 I couldn't help but think of all that I have accomplished and what great things lie ahead. Know that you can make a difference in someones life. Know that you are beautifully human and most importantly, know that you are loved. Take a deep breath and breathe new life into 2012.

Until tomorrow comes, take care for now.

- Renard

We Found Love?

"Love can be found like pennies on the ground... that shit isn't love."

     Some of us would like to think that we have found love in a hopeless place but your odds in finding love in a hopeless place is like finding an $80.00 bill in the middle of Target®. If that's the case then I found love in a back of a subway car... I didn't know their name, but we fucked... and I LOVED it.

     When it comes to love people take it to new extremes. Some think that this idea of love is something that is supposed to be cookie cutter perfect, complete with a white picket fence and a few children. Some think that love consist of random moments of drama and make up sex. While love to me cannot be defined by words, but I do feel that love is some type of deep complex feeling/emotional bond with another.

     The media doesn't necessarily give good examples of what love is (i.e. Chris Brown & Rihanna or even Bey & Jay). I always say what's normal for me isn't always considered normal to others. So whatever works for you may be best... for you. If you ask Michelle how she found Barack or even how Oprah found Gayle, I'm pretty sure they won't say they found their love in a hopeless place... Now Bobby and Whitney, that's a different story. LOL ;-)

 

P.S. I love We Found Love in a Hopeless Place... and the video is hot.

- Renard

Fall... in Love?

     Well here we are, October has come thru with a vengeance! We have had a chilly weekend here in the DMV complete with hoodies, jackets, coats, knitwear and lots of layering. Needless to say I was out in the mess enjoying every bit of it. I honestly couldn't wait for the Fall weather so I could dress warm and get cozy on those chilly nights. Football anyone?

     Fall is that time of year for comfort food, chunky sweaters, and boo loving. That's correct, "boo loving".

I know many of folk who are looking for a "boo" to keep them warm during these cooler months...and I don't blame them. It's nice to have someone to cuddle up with after a long day of being out in the elements. As Bill Withers would say "we all need somebody to lean on". Well, just don't lean on ME lol. In all seriousness it's is so easy to fall in love during the Fall.

     Fall is when mother nature shows off her beauty. Trees shed their once green leafs in exchange for shades of orange and hues of brown leaves that dance gracefully in the wind. People literally seem to come out of the woodwork after the summer is long gone and the muscle shirts and short shorts are put away. There are many potential boyfriends, girlfriends and lovers who are single and looking for something to hold onto. Some are happy being single and a good book and a hot drink will get them through those cold nights. But if you're like me and have been single for a while then this is the opportunity to get to know someone "special".

     Some of us are looking for temporary companionship and some are looking for the long term. But whatever you are looking for, just make sure it's worth the fall.

P.S. It's breast cancer awareness month. Oh, and GO RAVENS!!!

- Renard

Relationship 101:

     The topic of sex, love, pain etc... has always been kinda deja vu to me. It's always the same scenario. Boy meets girl, girl falls for boy or vice versa. One is more dominant and the other more passive. Blah Blah Blah. Let the game begin with Relationship 101. I recently had several conversations with friends on relationships and things of that matter. I have found that a lot of us don't even know what a relationship is. We build up ideas in our head that relationships are supposed to be this picture perfect, cookie cutter concept based on what we see in movies, books, reality etc.

     I have a female friend who desperately wants to be in a relationship. Now this goes back to the build up of what a relationship should be. It looks good on paper but in reality you never know what you really want until you test the waters. The idea of a long term relationship may look good but six months in and after the "honeymoon stage" you may notice things about the other person that may be hard to swallow. Just look at these movies as a reference: What's Love Got to Do With It and Waiting to Exhale. Are you Tina or are you Bernie?

      I also talked with one of my male friends who said he wouldn't mind a relationship just because he gets bored being by himself. "Well, why can't you entertain yourself?" I asked. The response was "There's nothing to do by myself". Translation: "I don't want to be seen as a loner going out to eat or to the movies by myself." There is plenty to do by yourself and quite frankly I enjoy making moves by myself sometimes. It can be fun; exciting even. You can meet new people without the crowd of your friends or a date. I call it being in a relationship with yourself.


     Two of my associates have said they haven't had sex in months. One admitting it has been a whole year. The two associates have said they wouldn't mind someone to cuddle with... and we all know what cuddling leads to.

Mhmmmm. I even know a few virgins who aren't strung out on the idea of sex or a relationship.

     Some of us believe in finding the "one" and some of us believe in friends with benefits. There's a balance and a comparison in there somewhere. A relationship is a concept that we all fall in love with but aren't willing to see past the glitz and glamor to reveal what the true meaning of it is.

When you find out, let me know.

-Renard

Amy Amy Amy...

"3 shots of Jack
straight and back to back
Here I go Amy
On my way Back to Black"

Forgiveness Pt. 1

When I was younger I did things without thinking them through first...as I still sometimes do today. I learned in order to avoid the whole "I'm sorry for..blah" I had to think things through and look at the bigger picture. Such as how the other person would feel or react to my words or my actions. You will be surprised what I came up with..

I have been deeply hurt by people close to me and those not so close to me. It's that one comment from someone that makes your heart just clench like its been put through a juicer. And for those moments, you experience rage, anger and all the above. You want to kill the person that brought such negative emotions into your cool demeanor.. but you also want to cry while stabbing them in the neck. The reason for that is a) what they said was the cold hard truth. b) the person that said those words or did you wrong was someone you love. c) you never knew/thought a person could be so cruel. We tend to take things that people we don't know or love say with a grain of salt. While those who we do care about and respect, their words, cut like knives.

The thing is how do we get over hurtful things people say or do... it is of course forgiveness. Forgiveness is often sought after in order to heal, BUT forgiveness starts within ourselves. We have to say "I forgive you", mentally in order to get over the hurdle that has hurt us emotionally. Now I know it feels a lot better when someone comes begging for forgiveness with your favorite food or flowers in hand (like a boyfriend or girlfriend who did something wrong) but the reality is forgiveness is something that happens from within.

Who wants to hold a grudge right? Get over it. Live

Renard

My April.

Dear April...

What thee fuck was I thinking? I was indeed an "April Fool" last month. A fool in love to be exact. I was emotionally unstable and unable to really put in words exactly how I felt about this predicament; I was indescribable. I fell in love in the beginning and out of love in the end. I won some and lost one. So I guess you can say that the victor was I.

Here is what I lost:
LOVE.



Here is what I gained:




Haaaha ha ha. I win and you lose! In my best Nicki Minaj voice.


So I have a new love in my life and he comes complete with a sunroof, blue leather interior and a lot of trunk space to support my shopping habits.



Shopping for labels;; Shopping for love

*Kendrick

The Beast.

I sit in the dark, it's a cold and lonely place. I wonder if you are lurking in the shadows while I remain blissfully unaware of your presence. A blank stare lies across my face. I gaze out of the window. Past the midnight blue sky, beyond the gray veil of clouds embedded with diamonds; a perfect night. I am awed by the moon and all of its stages from crescent to a new. My soul searches for you, my mind beckons you and my body desires your touch. Where art thou howl?

~ Kendrick

I GO GREEN...

I also Hate Holidays. lol But really today was a beautiful day not to mention it was Saint Patty's Day. Today it killed me to see so many pigmented people walking around with emerald eyes and green shoelaces. Nice weather for a cliche holiday that left me wondering... "Where are my lucky charms?"


So here I sit on the other side of the rainbow as happy as can be. Living life and taking full responsibility for everything I am and everything I am not. Thank god I'm not a leprechaun. It has to be pretty stressful on the little guys. I mean they are gingers who don't tan well...at all. But keeping a pot of gold safe is as tough as keeping my heart under lock and key. Everyone seems to want a bite of Kendrick. I have love and I give as much as I take and sometimes more.



Everything happens for a reason so they say. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. I have family, friends and a few leprechauns on the side. ;-)=

"You can catch me after the rain. I'll be at the other side. Of the colorful bow. Bent across the sky."

~ Kendrick

Love Quote.

Here is a little piece of me.

"There is a place in time and a time within a place where everything is perfect. Does it exist? You bet... Every time I look into your eyes."

~ Kendrick

On a never ending Quest...

In life we all search for something. We may search for happiness, money, love and including ourselves. Being that I am happy with the way things are right now ( and I tend to be happy all the time) I believe nothing can make make us so unhappy or unsatisfied that we can't pull through to true happiness. Whenever I am in a situation that I know is no good for me or beneficial for growth I leave; I walk away. I believe we are in control of our own happiness. So ask yourself "What makes me happy?" And do whatever you have to do to bring that happiness through to you everyday.

Now some may believe money is happiness and some may think that money is the root of all evil. But I will tell you what money can and cannot buy. Money can buy you cute shoes, a nice new haircut, a car, a house and even temporary friends. But with all of the things you can buy with money does that credit card also buy you happiness? Money cannot buy you true happiness, money cannot buy you love, money cannot buy you back lost time. True happiness has to come from within. So with each swipe of your Visa ask yourself "Am I buying something that truly makes me happy?" Let me know if you can answer this.



Now the biggie. That's right; love. Many of us are in search of "the one". The "one" that will come along and scoop us out of the single line and into a life of bliss. You may ask "Is there someone really out there for me?" And the answer to that is of course there is. They are just hidden under a rock keeping a close watch on you waiting for the right time to approach. Now just like money, I do not recommend depending on someone or something else to make you happy. It's okay to be in a relationship with yourself. I love myself and that is enough. Even though at the end of the day it is comforting to know that someone out there really loves you for who you are (i.e. Family/friends). Now TELL yourself this "There is always one person that will love me." And that person is you.


Last but certainly not least is being on a never ending quest to find ourselves. I find something new about myself everyday. From things I like to things I dislike. And based off of the oh so many things I have experienced in life I continue to grow and blossom into the person I am today. I am never satisfied with just knowing enough to get by. There are so many mysteries of the world unsolved and so much knowledge that is available FOR FREE (i.e. Libraries, elders, museums). If you close yourself off to the new ways of life you may miss out in all the fun which could bring you that happiness, the money and even that one true love. Ask yourself this "If I met me...would I know me?"


At the end of the day You control your own fate. You control your own happiness. You are in control of your own life. I am in control of my own destiny, my own happiness, my own money, and the people that I choose to love.

~ Kendrick

Share the love...

Welcome. Love is in the air today and hate for some but I in particular feel festive being that I do have a beautiful life to love. I'm a lover and lovers love life...not to mention yes, I too have a Valentine this year. This year brings a whole new meaning to the spirit of Valentines day. This year brings change all over. It brings a change in the White House, it brings change in relationships and changes in the choices we make everyday. This year seems to all about love and how we share it; Equality if you will (i.e. The Armani Exchange Ad above). Yes, two guys, two girls, and the hetero couple in between. You gotta love it!

If your single its the perfect opportunity to start looking and examining your choices. Because like you, there are others out there in search for love. Or maybe your not looking and your happily single and not so ready to mingle...which is good. I'm all for independence (the shoes on my feet; I BROUGHT EM!) lol. I like to see the whole cliche couple stuff like Public Displays of Affection, Stuffed Teddy Bears and the infamous Heart shaped box of chocolates. Its cute (in small doses). In all of this don't forget to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!



Now, I have said I don't believe in fairytale life stories and I stand by that still. I mean Cinderella had to go through a lot just to get her prince charming including keeping a fresh pedicure so her feet can floss in those glass slippers. And Prince Charming had to slay dragons and demons just to even get to the princess and then still had to deal with her family in the end. Point blank: There will be times on our conquest for love where we may come across detours some good some bad. But we must fight. Because if love won't save the day then what will? So I hope all those soldiers of love out there cuddle up with your significant other and let them know how much they mean to you not just today but EVERYDAY!

After all, you had to fight to find the one didn't you?

Happy Valentines Day!

~ Kendrick

Are you irreplaceable?

Another evening of thinking to myself in solitude. Just me, the laptop and my thoughts. The idea of being here alone is making me think of the song "Me, Myself and I"...And no NOT Beyonce. I'm talking about the old school group De La Soul. This funky uptempo song is a happy, self excepting and just plain fun. So here I am looking back on past relationships as a free (single) individual with a desire to seek out how things went down. I look back and think "hmmm, I wonder what happened to that one?" and "what the hell was I thinking?" and then a pop!...there it is.

We live in a society where it seems the men and women are dispensable creatures whom roam around the city with horse blinders on. Unable to see the true beauty of love; not just in other humans but in other nouns too. We take for granted that everything that we love and care for can be gone in a instant. Those precious photographs washed away in a flood, your dog being hit by a car, being involved in a car accident that took your thought and memories with it. Those things are important, those are things that we care about the most.

Just think of your very first crush. You might not have even known anything but their name. Picture them being taken from you. Or a expecting mother who just found out the baby she has cared for and carried for nine months was still born. You still have that connection, those emotions, those feelings towards the nouns that mattered most in your life. So even if its the first love letter you received or a teddy bear that you had since you were a young sprout. CHERISH THEM. CHERISH LIFE. MAKE EVERYDAY SOMETHING TO STAND AND BE PROUD FOR. Because you never know what you've got until its gone.

I'm sorry Beyonce but some things are just not "Replaceable".

~ Kendrick

Love without Sacrifice equals.....

So it's a typical night and I'm sitting in front of 2 screens one hosting a myriad of tabs holding future shopping endeavors and the other showing "The Real World" (yea right). I'm up, as usual around 3:00 am trying to figure out how to make a change for the better being that its a new year and all.

So I come across a certain saying...NO question which states "Whats love without sacrifice?" OK NOW! I have had my fair share of the good, bad and the down right ugly side of relationships, but what happens when we actually find "love"? For some its nothing but a pure blissful MUTUAL connection for one another; but for some its just lust; SEX. Now based on a few years of experience I have learned to seperate the two. I have managed to keep the heart away from a not so serious relationships where I just do the dirt, pick up and move on. Now in the past when I was just a pure innocent soul I believed in true love and finding that quote on quote "ONE". All I have to say is FUCK THAT! Some may think I'm bitter but I don't live in a fairytale where everyone has a "happy ending"... well maybe. (lol)

There are exceptions to the rules of the Game of Love. I believe in "The Game of Like" where I can like someone, flirt all I want, say things I don't mean and everyone goes home happy. The whole "Game of Love" is a bunch of b.s. to me. There should be NO GAMES when dealing with love. We are mature adults so why don't we skip all the bullshit and get right down to what we really want? Do you want a dude with a car, a job that supports your established status in the world, fresh; looking like he just stepped down from the pages of a GQ magazine, slanging a 12+ and built like a Line Backer? or Fellas do you want a girl that has an ass that would but Kim Kardashian to shame, with mean skills in the bedroom and in the kitchen, fresh, flawless and looks like she just stepped off the runway for the Spring line of Dolce&Gabbana?



OR...




WELL WE DON'T ALWAYS GET EVERYTHING WE WANT. So we have *normal people* (who aren't so bad on the eyes either) to work with. When we first start "talking to" someone it seems all fine and good. But shit, what can he or she do that you can benefit from? Do they at least have a job and pushing a whip to make up for that jacked up grill? DAMN! But don't get me wrong it can be the personality that makes up for the lack of good looks and everything else. I personally like beauty & brawn. "Yes you can have your cake and eat it too (that's what cake is for) duh!" as my BFF would say.

So here is the answer to that question. Love without sacrifice just equals like. I like you but not willing to give up my lifestyle for you.

Remember you are a human 1st and everything else comes with the territory.

~Kendrick