Forgiveness Pt. 1

When I was younger I did things without thinking them through first...as I still sometimes do today. I learned in order to avoid the whole "I'm sorry for..blah" I had to think things through and look at the bigger picture. Such as how the other person would feel or react to my words or my actions. You will be surprised what I came up with..

I have been deeply hurt by people close to me and those not so close to me. It's that one comment from someone that makes your heart just clench like its been put through a juicer. And for those moments, you experience rage, anger and all the above. You want to kill the person that brought such negative emotions into your cool demeanor.. but you also want to cry while stabbing them in the neck. The reason for that is a) what they said was the cold hard truth. b) the person that said those words or did you wrong was someone you love. c) you never knew/thought a person could be so cruel. We tend to take things that people we don't know or love say with a grain of salt. While those who we do care about and respect, their words, cut like knives.

The thing is how do we get over hurtful things people say or do... it is of course forgiveness. Forgiveness is often sought after in order to heal, BUT forgiveness starts within ourselves. We have to say "I forgive you", mentally in order to get over the hurdle that has hurt us emotionally. Now I know it feels a lot better when someone comes begging for forgiveness with your favorite food or flowers in hand (like a boyfriend or girlfriend who did something wrong) but the reality is forgiveness is something that happens from within.

Who wants to hold a grudge right? Get over it. Live

Renard

The Past..Present...and the Unknown

Over the past year I have found peace and acceptance within myself. I have prayed for a complete makeover and boy was I in for a HUGE wake up call. Those around me have showed me their true colors. Love was lost then found...then lost again. There's really no such thing as a fairytale ending. You have to make a change for yourself.. and it starts with you. Those close to me.. my family have become my bitter enemies and friendships have grown stronger than ever. I thank the big guy upstairs for opening my eyes and allowing me to see that "hey, not everyone's gonna like Renard".. that's life.


As far as love is concerned I was blinded by a sweet personality and insecurities that I wasn't ready to face yet. I fell in love in October and out of it by March. The biggest issue was communication and understanding. I play by my rules and he played by his. But what can I say...I'm selfish. That's just me.



I have since faced certain things and have overcome obstacles that have stood in my way of complete happiness. Do I regret anything that has happened thus far.. hmmm maybe.. Am I completely satisfied with life right now.. Hell NO. But it gets better, I know it does. And what can I say about the future other than the fact that I can close my eyes before I go to sleep and pray for a better tomorrow.

Until tomorrow comes, take care for now.

Renard

It's been a GOOD MIN!

It has been over a year since I have taken the time out to write..publicly. I'm really interested in doing this shit again. I was suddenly drawn to write. Now bear with me because I'm going to be doing a lot of catching up.



Check the new name!

Follow me on twitter: @DuhHeBadd

Me, Myself and....

Well I can't believe it's the end of June already. Actually I can. During the month of May to where I am today I have been taking a lot of time for myself. Some may question my exisitence in the world of technologhy. The truth is I never left. I have been sitting back and watching the days get longer and sweat while the weather got hotter. There have been changes in this guy I call "Kendrick"... change for the better. Not like a false promise made by delegates hoping to gain some type of following, but real change. It feels good to sit back and be alone but not lonely. Just me, myself and my thoughts.

Through the time of self reconstruction I smirked as my phone rung and no one answered. To tell the truth I rather throw my phone into a fire to be cremated than to listen to issues pertaining to the bullshit that comes with people having access to my number. The month of June had it's highs which outweighed the lows but all in all this month has been about reassurance. I have said what was on my mind and for once I don't regret anything. It' feels good. I feel like everything is coming full circle... like I'm coming into myself. Evolving. Living not Exisiting. Being what I long to become.

-Iconic.

The C.R.E.A.M

Dear diary... today a question arose in my head. Does money really rule everything around me? Money... sad to say creates a persons status in the world. Money controls your environment, the friends you make and the people you date. Recently I've noticed myself being a little more aware of my actions and what I say being perceived by others. And after careful observation I found that people like to be around me just because I have a pretty amazing personality (if I may say so myself). Though some may only see the outside I am thankful for those who see the bigger picture. Those who really see and understand Kendrick.

Yes money can buy you cute clothes, fly shoes and even a car. But money can not buy you honesty, true friends or a personality.



And of course I have come to another one of my conclusions that at the end of the night when we kick off the Manolo's and wipe the day from our face all we have is ourselves. I have me;; and my clothes. lls



Take care,

*Kendrick

My April.

Dear April...

What thee fuck was I thinking? I was indeed an "April Fool" last month. A fool in love to be exact. I was emotionally unstable and unable to really put in words exactly how I felt about this predicament; I was indescribable. I fell in love in the beginning and out of love in the end. I won some and lost one. So I guess you can say that the victor was I.

Here is what I lost:
LOVE.



Here is what I gained:




Haaaha ha ha. I win and you lose! In my best Nicki Minaj voice.


So I have a new love in my life and he comes complete with a sunroof, blue leather interior and a lot of trunk space to support my shopping habits.



Shopping for labels;; Shopping for love

*Kendrick

I'm BACK!

A whole month has gone by without one blog from yours truly. So here I am. I'm back to tell you about how my April was and how my May has been. Stay tuned!!! X's & O's

*KENDRICK